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Commitment phobic men are not wounded birds waiting to be nursed to health. Should women spend time, energy, and emotion on a man who may never be a part of their future? All too often women say to themselves or their friends: “Well, he wouldn’t commit in the past, but I’m different.  I have more patience than the other women he dated, and I am more understanding than most women. I can help him.”    If you have heard yourself saying the words “I can help him,” think of yourself as being trapped in the “wounded bird syndrome”  in which your desire to nurse someone back to health is so strong that it clouds your logical thinking. Before getting too involved with a commitment phobic man consider asking yourself  these 20 Questions to Finding New Love and Marriage.  And then make a conscious effort to understand what is most important to you. 2 Virtues Enhance Falling in Love Forever. Also watc...

Self-kindness: Being kind, gentle and understanding with yourself when you’re suffering. Common humanity: Realizing that you’re not alone in your struggles. When we’re struggling, we tend to feel especially isolated. We think we’re the only ones to experience loss, make mistakes, feel rejected or fail. But it’s these very struggles that are part of our shared experience as humans. Mindfulness: Observing life as it is, without being judgemental or suppressing your thoughts and feelings.

In the years I’ve been counseling and coaching, many people say, “I know I’ve been in sick relationships, but I don’t know what a healthyrelationship looks like.” There are many long and complicated answers to this, but there is also a simple one: healthy relationships make your life larger and happier; unhealthy relationships narrow your life and make you crazy. Healthy relationships do not include mind games, mixed messages, or control.  There is not a back and forth or continual makeup and breakup, or “I’m sorry, please forgive me” every week or so.   In healthy relationships, there is a partnership and a nurturing by both parties of that partnership.  At the same time, each person recognizes the need to have interests and time away from their partner to nurture themselves. They don’t need to have the same interests, but rather the same view of life. Healthy love is about taking care of yourself and t...

Know you what it is to be a child?… it is  to believe in belief…. – Francis Thompson, 19th c. British poet We don’t forget our first ah-ha experience any more than we forget our first kiss. The difference is we have some idea of what to expect from a kiss, but we don’t know what to make of an enlightening incident. The experience lingers in memory as something special, but since we can’t account for it, we’re apt to keep it to o urselves. Only in my thirties did I realize that an experience I’d had in my teens was the analogue of that first kiss. About six years after discovering that our third grade science book contained mistakes, it struck me that anything could be wrong. There were no infallible truths, no ultimate explanations.   In high school we were learning that science theories and models were not to be regarded as absolute truths, but rather taken to be useful descriptions that might someday be replaced wit...

  The first part of the Being and Flowing Sequence is a basic relaxation session where some (or several) of the techniques of guided imagery or meditation can be used. In fact, for this type of relaxation, you can use new techniques or techniques that are familiar to you and that have worked for you in the past. If you do the sequence regularly, you can switch between techniques if you like. One caveat: We find that general medical/therapy techniques, specifically those that are not associated with a particular spiritual path, work best for the Being and Flowing meditation in this context. (We link to some general relaxation techniques from the University of Maryland Medical Center, below).  Being and Flowing First Step: Basic Relaxation Session One: Position If you are outdoors, find a quiet, safe place in a garden, park, beach or woods. Remember, safety comes first. If you are indoors, find a place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit on a floor cushion or in a chair with...

How do you treat yourself?     How should you treat yourself? What should you think about yourself? How should you feel about yourself? Well..... how do you treat your best friend? What do you think about them? How do you feel about them? Now take that and multiply it by 10, multiply it by 100. Imagine how you would feel about somebody you were completely in love with, that you loved more than life itself, but it was an unconditional, open, free, healthy love, and not a needy, posessive, jealous, conditional love. Your eyes are wide open and you see all their faults and yet you love them despite their faults, perhaps because of them. Now perhaps you are getting close to how you should feel about yourself.......... Simon Meadowcroft

They have devised a vaccine that floods the body with an antibody to assault nicotine entering the body. A study in mice, published in Science Translational Medicine, showed levels of the chemical in the brain were reduced by 85% after vaccination. Years of research are still needed before it could be tested on people. However, lead researcher Prof Ronald Crystal is convinced there will be benefits. "As far as we can see, the best way to treat chronic nicotine addiction from smoking is to have these Pacman-like antibodies on patrol, clearing the blood as needed before nicotine can have any biological effect." New approach Other "smoking vaccines" have been developed that train the immune system to produce antibodies that bind to nicotine - it is the same method used to vaccinate against diseases. The challenge has been to produce enough antibodies to stop the drug entering the brain and delivering its pleasurable hit. Scientists at Weill Cornell Medical College have...

Coca-Cola and Pepsi contain minute traces of alcohol, scientific research published in France has revealed. The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons. According to tests carried out by the Paris-based National Institute of Consumption (INC) more than half of leading colas contain the traces of alcohol. Can't beat the real thing: The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons These include the brand leaders Coca-Cola and Pepsi Cola, while it is mainly only cheap supermarket versions of the drink which are alcohol-free. ‘60 Million Consumers’, the French magazine, publishes the results of the tests in its latest issue. They suggest that the alcohol levels are as low as 10mg in every litre, and this works out at around 0.001 per cent alcohol.

Beyond leaving you drowsy and irritable, sleepless nights can take aserious toll on your physical and mental health. "We know sleep is a critical biological function that influences a wide variety of physiological process," said Dr. Susan Redline, a sleep specialist at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. "Sleep deficiency can affect mood and the ability to make memories and learn, but it also affects metabolism, appetite, blood pressure, levels of inflammation in the body and perhaps even the immune response." Lack of sleep has been linked to stroke, obesity, diabetes, anxiety, depression, and the country's No. 1 killers: heart disease and cancer. Read on to learn the health hazards of sleep deficiency and how you can sleep better. HEALTH HAZARDS LINKED TO LACK OF SLEEP Stroke A new study of more than 5,600 people found those who slept fewer than six hours a night were more likely to suffer a stroke than their well-rested counterparts. "We speculate...

Not Good Enough Codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects a persons’ ability to have healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. Co-dependent relationships are degrading, destructive and often abusive. Many people who are partners, children, parents or close friends of people with substance abuse issues have codependent relationships that are damaging and manipulative. These relationships can lead to long term dysfunction and other issues which can cause pain, heartache and financial ruin. Evidence suggests that codependents come from troubled, dysfunctional or broken families, although they may not accept or recognize this as fact. Blaming themselves for the dysfunction or relationship breakdowns is common – they may see that they haven’t tried hard enough, aren’t attractive enough, don’t deserve anything more. Many codependent people subconsciously seek out relationships with others that are doomed to be dysfunctional...

It is claimed that such an experience is necessary for the individual to truly experience freedom from addiction. Talk of ‘spiritual experience’ can conjure up images of visitation by angels, but the meaning here is more subtle. It can happen slowly over many years and just implies that the individual has been able to break away from addiction and rebuild their lives.

The 12 steps program was inspired by a Christian evangelical movement called the Oxford Group. One of the guiding principles of the program is that the individual needs the help of a higher power in order to defeat their addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous came into existence during the late 1930s and this was the first 12 Step group. AA attracted a lot of positive media attention, and this helped it grow rapidly. Soon other 12 Step groups were developed to deal with problems other than alcoholism.

Alcoholics Anonymous continues to attract new members every day. There have also been many other behavioral problems that have been successfully treated with the 12 Step approach. It was once hoped that AA would prove to be the answer for all alcoholics, but this has not proved to be the case. However, there is no doubt though that it has turned out to be a powerful tool that can help some people escape addiction. Therefore, it seems unlikely that the influence of Bill Wilson will disappear any time soon.

During this time he was more commonly known as Bill W. His sober years were not always idyllic, and he went through a couple of bad periods of depression. Despite writing one of the most popular books of all time, he never became rich because of it. Even though he had been so important in the creation of AA he did not always feel comfortable spending time at the meetings. His attendance would always create a fuss, and he would be expected to give a talk. This meant that he was not able to enjoy the same benefits of the group as other members. On his deathbed Bill asked for whisky, but it was not given to him. Bill Wilson died of emphysema and pneumonia in 1971. He had continued to be a heavy smoker throughout his years of sobriety.

The early members of AA were still closely connected to the Oxford Group. Bill continued to have misgivings about their evangelical leanings. He felt that this would prevent too many alcoholics from accepting the help that such a program could offer. Bill had been influenced by a physician called Dr. Silkwood who promoted the idea that alcoholism was a disease and not moral failing. The early members of AA became convinced that it was a disease that could be cured with a spiritual program. In order to make this cure available to more people it was necessary for Alcoholics Anonymous split completely away from the Oxford Group. In 1939, the group released a book called Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How More Than 100 Men Have Recovered from Alcoholism. This later became known as the Big Book. It has become the most successful self-help publication of all time, with over 20 million copies sold. Most of the content was written by Bill, but he did get a great deal of help from the earl...

The ultimate aim of the 12 step program is for the individual to experience a spiritual awakening.  What is being referred to here is not really some supernatural event but instead means that the individual has managed to completely turn their life around so that they are now living a good life – to family and friends this may indeed appear like a miracle. The 12 steps can be viewed as a journey to lasting happiness. The Big Book describes how those who follow this path will experience a new freedom and a new happiness on page 83 – How it Works. This refers to the development of serenity which is probably the most lasting form of happiness that any human can achieve. Serenity does not mean walking around full of bliss all the time, but it does mean that the individual enjoys an almost constant experience of inner peace no matter what is happening externally. The ultimate aim of the 12 step program is for the individual to experience a spiritual awakening.  What i...

Spiritual direction is an exploration of your spiritual path with a person trained in listening, deep reflection and discernment. Those are all carefully chosen, important words so let’s break it down. We explore with you. We don’t tell you what you need to know, do or have in order to be spiritual. It is essential that you feel the freedom that comes with exploration in spiritual direction. It is your path we are exploring. No one else’s. The time you spend with a spiritual director is supposed to be about you taking the next step along your spiritual path. Not taking a step your director thinks you ought to take. We’ll talk a lot more about this as we progress. The path is spiritual. We are not therapists poking around your psyche. All of life is spiritual—God is found in all our experiences. With that understanding we will explore with you many aspects of your life. But we keep the emphasis on spirituality. We are trained in listening. Yes, training is n...